Do you ever wish you could disappear?

A Harris poll taken in 2017 showed that only 33% of a sample of Americans were happy with their lives.The American Foundation for Prevention of Suicides disturbingly reports 123 suicides in America every day. That’s more than five suicides per hour every day.

I attended two suicide victim funerals in 2017, one a family member and the other a friend. Unlike the M*A*S*H theme song lyrics suggest, it’s not painless, especially for grieving family and friends.

People who care suffer more than others, don’t they? Why is that? Some, like me, are born with the paradoxical gift and curse of empathy. Yep, they’re inseparable. Ask any empath. I overdo it and pay a price, emotionally and physically.

I’m paying the price now with a body that feels worn out and a depressed emotional state of mind that feels too hard to bear. If it weren’t for professional help and the genuine love of my spouse and new friends, life would not be worth living. I ask myself this question every day. Who will I help if I stay? Who will miss me if I disappear?

Thoughts and words pop into my head sometimes that I know are speaking to me from a higher source. Does this ever happen to you? Do you believe in Angels? I do. I talk to them every day, and I feel their embrace when I’m hurting and want to give up.

One night before going to bed, these words came to me. It described my dream for a new life in another time and place.  I didn’t have to think about the words. They flowed out and wrote themselves from a place outside myself, or perhaps, a place deep within myself I rarely go. This is my wish every night I lay my head down on my pillow to go to sleep.

I want to disappear from the world in which I’ve been living,

And appear in a new world where I have no history;

Where there are only the possibilities of living in the now.

I always wake up like Bill Murray in the movie Ground Hog Day. Same history. Same hope for a different outcome. We can’t do this life thing without each other. Tell your friend you love them, today. It’s as necessary as oxygen on a vulnerable planet of self-absorbed and insecure people hiding behind their delusional tribal identities and suffocating themselves with mindless diversions.

Passing time inside a bubble is not living. Choose life. Live. Give life to others.




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